Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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