Where did you get a picture of my penis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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