I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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