The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
