Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its not stalking. its research.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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