Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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