What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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