I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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