Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
