As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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