This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
