I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
