I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Im part way to drunk.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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