So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
