the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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