I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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