Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm both gender and math confused
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
