I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
