Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
