In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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