absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
