I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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