I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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