We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
