i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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