Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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