I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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