I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
