6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
