Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
