She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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