the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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