I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
