need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
