Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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