yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
