I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
