Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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