Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
