hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Im part way to drunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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