After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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