can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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