I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
