You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
