You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
