yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
