alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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