I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
