i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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