Bisexual people are plain selfish.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
