Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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