You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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