i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
