My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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