I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
