I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
