I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize