do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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