Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
