all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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