Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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