Swine flu. Run for my life!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's like heaven, but drunker
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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