so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
