this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
