I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
