If that was your dad, he is hot
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
