If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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